October 2010

This is our October newsletter that we send out to Allies...those who pray and support LIFE Ministries.
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“A Father’s Love”

Friday, October 8 was my grandfather’s birthday. He turned 93 years old. And it was not even written down on my calendar.

I often refer to my grandfather as my “dad’s dad” just because I have no relationship with him. I can remember 3 or 4 times of having any contact with him during my life. My kids talk to their grandparents more in one month than I have in a lifetime. He is simply a stranger to my journey. I don’t know him.

My dad, on the other hand, has completely reframed what the Hemphill name now means. A new legacy is being formed. When a father pioneers a new path, a son is able to walk down a trail with a few less scars and a lot more freedom.

Last week, though, I saw more deeply into my father’s journey and heart. I learned something that I never knew before. And it happened on my grandfather’s birthday.

My dad decided, against many internal objections, to call his dad and wish him a happy birthday. With little to no relationship in place, it was a risky decision. How would the call turn out? Would he get a stale conversation and hang up with more regrets? Would it even be worth the effort and call? With questions filling his heart, he took his phone and dialed the number.

After a fairly “normal” conversation and birthday wishes, the phone call was about to end. Suddenly, the words came out of my grandfather’s mouth, “Carl, I love you.” And a thick pause filled the air. Words that had never been spoken in my dad’s 69 years were suddenly uttered from his father’s lips. He returned his love and the phone call ended.

What happens to a man who has gone nearly 70 years without hearing the words, “I love you” from his father? A part of him wanted to deny it and run. Another part of his heart melted at the thought of receiving those words. Granted, the words were certainly not backed up with a life of fathering. But they were still important for him to hear.

Later that day, in talking with my dad, I was struck with something about their conversation. I said, “Dad, I just wonder if your father was not even aware of what he said. Maybe your true Father gave you a special gift and delivered it through the lips of your earthly dad. Receiving these words does not discount the years of fatherlessness but it embraces God’s heart toward you.”

Some of you have my dad’s story while others have my story.

Some have been abandoned, hurt, wounded, and neglected by their earthly fathers. Whether by physical absence or just a checked-out existence, your father was not there for you. This leaves a deep hole in a person’s heart. It is wrong. It hurts. And it deeply affects who you are today and how you relate to God as Father.

Others, more like my story, have been able to walk down a trail pioneered through the heart of your earthly dad. He was certainly not perfect but he was present. In the midst of his imperfections, you were able to enjoy being the “apple of your daddy’s eye.”

Whatever father-path you have been on, there is one thing that remains true for all of us. Our earthly fathers have a profound effect on our present-tense lives. A lot of how we relate to God has been shaped through this key character in our stories.

We work with a lot of people in a one-on-one relationship…we call it spiritual direction. One of the primary places that we are eyewitness to God’s work of healing and freedom relates to father-wounds. It takes some work and effort on your part but it is worth the risk. As Dallas Willard said, “Grace is opposed to earning but not to effort.” You have a role to play in welcoming the healing work of Christ into your hearts.

If reading this has stirred something…carve out some time to be alone and wrestle with a few questions…

*Describe your earthly father with 5 words…the first 5 that come to mind.

*What words do you wish that you could have heard from your dad?

*What would you have liked to have experienced with him?

*What “hole in your heart” still exists from the brokenness of this relationship?

*If God is fathering you right now, why would He be taking you back into these wounds and this relationship? Ask Him…what is He up to?

If we can be of any help in the process…let us know. For now, know that you are deeply loved and in process of being fathered by God.

Peace over you today,
Randy Hemphill

LIFE Allies...

Just emailed this out to our Allies...friends and fellow warriors who partner with us in ministry. Thought I would put it on the blog also...

Friends and Allies...

Wanted to take a moment and share a few things for your heart. Many of the emails that we send are focused on updates and the need for your prayers. And your prayers are vital. I don't just say that because it seems like the "right thing to say". I really mean it. Last weekend, while ministering to some students at a camp, I felt your prayers and support. It was intense and there was plenty of warfare over these kids' hearts. And God was victorious...you played a vital role in that.

For today, though, the subject of "tending to the garden of your heart" is really hitting me. Most of this comes out of my own journey. We have been going at a steady pace since the launch of LIFE on March 1, 2010. A lot of work went into laying the foundation for the new ministry. We have seen many rise up to help serve and lead. Looking back, we are pretty amazed at how much work was involved in the start-up phase. In many ways, we are still in that season of start-up. So, with summer approaching, Melody and I have talked about the need to take care of our own hearts. To take some extended time to be with God and each other. We are planning some down time in July. Time with our boys and time as a couple. This will be time that we protect and choose to not be "ON" as ministers.

In thinking on the summer and caring for our hearts...a few thoughts that may resonate with you...

1. We cannot give what we don't have. I am reminded that I have to take care of my own heart. My personal walk with God, my marriage, my family...these have to be priority in my life. How can I lead others toward freedom when I am not pursuing this for myself?

2. Choosing to be "OFF" reminds me of my dependence to being "ON". Finding worth in what I do is so tempting. We often define a person by asking, "So what do you do?" Our culture is built on being "ON" in our jobs and churches. So much so, that we become dependent on this Nascar-pace of life. You could call it a doing-addiction. Choosing to be "OFF" helps me deal with my own dependencies and just be still. How are you doing at being "OFF"?

3. "Solitude is the furnace for transformation." Henri Nouwen said this and it really speaks to the need for extended time with God. As a minister, I can easily place ministry above relationship with God...sounds weird, but is very true. God does not desire what I can do for Him...He wants my heart. I can offer ALL of me when I am setting aside extended time with God. This is the only thing that will transform and refresh my soul. How's the solitude thing been working for you?

4. Have some fun. Melody and I have talked about how much we need laughter in our lives. We do deal with some intense things as we walk with people...honestly, we would rather do that than anything else. Walking with broken people is our calling. But there are times that we need to laugh. Taking care of our own hearts means building in time for play and fun. The Christian life is not about a constant YOKE around our necks where we are working for God. Jesus gave a great invitation to find rest in Him. To enjoy and have fun with our Father...to really enjoy relationship with Him. Listen to Jesus in Matthew 11..."Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out on religion? Come to me. Get away with me and you'll recover your life. I'll show you how to take a real rest. Walk with me and work with me—watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I won't lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. Keep company with me and you'll learn to live freely and lightly."

Friends and allies...take care of your heart. Thanks for being you and for walking with us in this wild journey...

Randy

Smile

Was looking through some old pics of Caleb and Brennan tonight...just reminded me of some fun times together. Really made me smile.

You know, I hope my kids remember my smile. As a parent, they see a lot of gestures and smirks on my face. Probably more than I ever realize. They can probably read my face better than most anyone. Will they remember my smile? More than disappointment, worry, fear, or frustration...which are common to my 35 year old face...I want them to see a smile. I want them to know of my delight in them. Not for what they can do for me, but for who they are. I just really love them. As they are. They are asleep as I type and I am smiling on them, even now.

What is my typical image or memory of God, my Father? I seem to easily remember times when I must have disappointed God, let Him down, and frustrated Him. I can see that look. But do I see Him smiling on me? Kind of weird to think of God smiling, isn't it? Almost sounds anti-God or something.

So, I am a fragile, imperfect father...and I want my kids to remember my smile...more than anything else...to plaster that face on their memory. To know my delight.

So, God is my solid, perfect Father...what if He wants me to remember His smile...more than anything else...to plaster that face on my memory. To know His delight.

Recent Family Pics

Scaffolding...

A line from the new book we are writing...that really struck me today...written from Melody's heart...
"When your life's scaffolding is built on trying to be the person that you think you should be rather than embracing the person that you are, you never really get to enjoy living."

Burn-Out

Spiritual Burnout happens when we are running for God more than walking with God.

Discipline of Spiritual Direction

Teaching a class on wednesday nights at our church. The course is on the disciplines...learning to walk with God. Last night, we covered the discipline of spiritual direction. For those interested, see below for additional info...
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“Guidance is the most RADICAL of the Disciplines because it goes to the heart of this matter of walking with God. Guidance means the glorious life of hearing God’s voice and obeying His word.”

The goal of guidance is not specific instructions about this or that matter but conformity to the image of Christ. Paul said, “Those whom he foreknew he predestined to be conformed to the image of his son” (Romans 8:28b).

We make such a mystery out of the matter of the will of God. The will of God is discovered as we become acquainted with God, learn His ways, and become His friend. As the friendship grows, as the conformity grows, we will know instinctively what actions would please Him, what decisions would be in accord with His way.

Some Key Passages…
*Proverbs 27:17…graphically pictures the growth that takes place in communitiy.
*Matthew 18:19-20…proclaims the assurance of divine presence and the power of divine guidance for believers gathered in Jesus’ name.
*Acts 2:1-4…recounts the commissioning of gathered believers in Pentecost. The entire book of Acts provides numerous models of divine guidance in the community of faith.
*1 Corinthians 10:23-11:1…provides guidelines for Christian freedom based on what will benefit others both inside and outside the community of faith.
*Galatians 6:1-10…teaches individual responsibility within the context of the shared life of Christian community.

Reasons that we should seek out spiritual direction…
*learning how to walk with God
*need to deal with an ongoing struggle/sin
*clarity on an important decision
*desire for freedom and life
*feel “stuck” in your life
*finding repeating patterns in behavior
*feel distant from God
*dried up on religion

Ways to practice Guidance this week…
Receiving Spiritual Direction/Guidance (being poured into)
-Requires brokenness and humility to seek this out
-Ask God to provide this person or show you this person
-Needs to be the same gender
-Needs to be someone who understands brokenness/healing and has submitted to the process him/herself
-Identify the core issues that you want to work through
-Set boundaries to when you will meet, how often, and for how long
-A key component is entering into wounds, breaking agreements, and ushering in healing

Giving Spiritual Direction/Guidance (pouring into others)
-Be careful not to rescue.
-Allow the law of sowing/reaping to happen.
-Be sure to keep your own heart in check.
-Do more listening than talking.
-The best spiritual direction involves asking more questions than giving answers. Allow and encourage the person to wrestle with God and their own issues.