This is our October newsletter that we send out to Allies...those who pray and support LIFE Ministries.
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“A Father’s Love”
Friday, October 8 was my grandfather’s birthday. He turned 93 years old. And it was not even written down on my calendar.
I often refer to my grandfather as my “dad’s dad” just because I have no relationship with him. I can remember 3 or 4 times of having any contact with him during my life. My kids talk to their grandparents more in one month than I have in a lifetime. He is simply a stranger to my journey. I don’t know him.
My dad, on the other hand, has completely reframed what the Hemphill name now means. A new legacy is being formed. When a father pioneers a new path, a son is able to walk down a trail with a few less scars and a lot more freedom.
Last week, though, I saw more deeply into my father’s journey and heart. I learned something that I never knew before. And it happened on my grandfather’s birthday.
My dad decided, against many internal objections, to call his dad and wish him a happy birthday. With little to no relationship in place, it was a risky decision. How would the call turn out? Would he get a stale conversation and hang up with more regrets? Would it even be worth the effort and call? With questions filling his heart, he took his phone and dialed the number.
After a fairly “normal” conversation and birthday wishes, the phone call was about to end. Suddenly, the words came out of my grandfather’s mouth, “Carl, I love you.” And a thick pause filled the air. Words that had never been spoken in my dad’s 69 years were suddenly uttered from his father’s lips. He returned his love and the phone call ended.
What happens to a man who has gone nearly 70 years without hearing the words, “I love you” from his father? A part of him wanted to deny it and run. Another part of his heart melted at the thought of receiving those words. Granted, the words were certainly not backed up with a life of fathering. But they were still important for him to hear.
Later that day, in talking with my dad, I was struck with something about their conversation. I said, “Dad, I just wonder if your father was not even aware of what he said. Maybe your true Father gave you a special gift and delivered it through the lips of your earthly dad. Receiving these words does not discount the years of fatherlessness but it embraces God’s heart toward you.”
Some of you have my dad’s story while others have my story.
Some have been abandoned, hurt, wounded, and neglected by their earthly fathers. Whether by physical absence or just a checked-out existence, your father was not there for you. This leaves a deep hole in a person’s heart. It is wrong. It hurts. And it deeply affects who you are today and how you relate to God as Father.
Others, more like my story, have been able to walk down a trail pioneered through the heart of your earthly dad. He was certainly not perfect but he was present. In the midst of his imperfections, you were able to enjoy being the “apple of your daddy’s eye.”
Whatever father-path you have been on, there is one thing that remains true for all of us. Our earthly fathers have a profound effect on our present-tense lives. A lot of how we relate to God has been shaped through this key character in our stories.
We work with a lot of people in a one-on-one relationship…we call it spiritual direction. One of the primary places that we are eyewitness to God’s work of healing and freedom relates to father-wounds. It takes some work and effort on your part but it is worth the risk. As Dallas Willard said, “Grace is opposed to earning but not to effort.” You have a role to play in welcoming the healing work of Christ into your hearts.
If reading this has stirred something…carve out some time to be alone and wrestle with a few questions…
*Describe your earthly father with 5 words…the first 5 that come to mind.
*What words do you wish that you could have heard from your dad?
*What would you have liked to have experienced with him?
*What “hole in your heart” still exists from the brokenness of this relationship?
*If God is fathering you right now, why would He be taking you back into these wounds and this relationship? Ask Him…what is He up to?
If we can be of any help in the process…let us know. For now, know that you are deeply loved and in process of being fathered by God.
Peace over you today,
Randy Hemphill
